Walk Away Early:

  I'm human. I'm selfish and broken by nature. But lately it seems I'm stubbing my toes and sliding on asphalt with my face more often.  I keep tripping over the things I'm afraid of.  I'm afraid of change, but know it's absolutely necessary in order for me to be happy and sane.  I'm scared of failing, but I'm already an under achiever, what's a tiny bit of effort going to do? Put me back on par with even keel?  I mean really.
  I'm frozen in this moment.  Uncertain certainty that I've got to do something about this. But what?  I can't live like this.  I hate the golf course, I am getting tired of nannying.  I want kids of my own.  I can't mother some one else's kids forever.
  My trip to Chicago will help.  I need a vacation.  I don't want to be too snooty, but I think I deserve it. I'm bringing about ten resumes with me.  And hopefully, with my cousins' help, I can get around downtown okay, and find myself with a few opportunities.  Here's hoping.  If I could work in television, or blog about crap for famous people, I'd be set.  Hey, Travi McCoy, you need someone to tweet and blog about what you do on tour?!? Lady Gaga? Jonas Brothers??? Anyone?????
  And to think, I almost deleted mimzee and walked away from what I love.  I kept wandering around, thinking, what is my passion, my hobby?  Turns out its also what I want to do for the rest of my life.  I love blogging.  Even if no one reads it.  But if you type in "mimzee" on Google's search page, it's the forth one down...ON THE FIRST PAGE!!!


So here's to not giving up on blogging.  Here's to a lifetime of my fantastic crap.

...my future is fretted with stars...

Bitter Work:

I am standing on the precipice of some unknown change.  I’m right at the edge of jumping into it.  Blindly and blondly going where I’ve not treaded.  I have been offered a space in my cousin’s loft in Philadelphia, which I very well could take her up on that. I am going to Chicago in a few weeks to visit my aunt and uncle and could find a job and a life there... In any event, things are going to change, in the next five weeks or so.  I know I’ll be in a different state of mind.  Change is exactly what I need right now.  I’m so sick of working my ass off for little to no recognition or gratitude. 

  One day I’ll be famous, or at least happy.  And then I can breathe and let the ten ton weight on my chest roll off and stay off.  But until then, I have to keep working myself thinner than rice paper.  Because those that work hardest, receive the greatest rewards.  I am certain of it. 

I can’t wait for things to “pan out” or unravel at my feet like a red carpet for things to come.  I’m ready, I am. I'm making things change. I'm making my life different. Starting now.

What is Needed:

   I'm ready for the Pikes Peak Amateur to be over.  I'm sick and tired of drunk golfers calling me "baby" or "bitch."  I come in two flavors, apparently.  This week has been a lot of killing people with kindness.  All in hopes of a decent tip.  No dear sir,  a quarter is not acceptable in this economy.  Maybe back in the twenties.  Yes dear sir, six dollars would be wonderful.
  It goes like this day in and day out.  Month after month, until November comes.  When they close the snack bar for the season.  I sure could use a steady career, but even the projected job availability is still piss poor.  Much like my attitude when I'm not faking it at work.  I'm sorry I've been such a grumpy bugger, but this isn't how I expected my life, seven months graduated, to be.  I'm on permanent spring break. But without the bikini-clad sluts, brobras, and liquor to accompany me into a drunken stupor.
  I'm tired of this life.  I want so much for it to be different.  I want to be famous. I want to change people.  I want to help people.  I want I want I want.  But maybe wanting isn't what's right.

Maybe it's what I need.
But I don't even know what that is anymore.

At Least It's Carrot Juice and Not Vodka:

   At least things can be fixed.  I'm talking about my mood.  I'm a moody chic some days, I have to admit. Today was long, ten hours at work, lots of drunks, lots of running from the Snack Bar back to the kitchen for hot dogs and back again.  I wanted so much for rain.  And it poured for fifteen minutes.  I wanted big tips, I made 115. I want to be on TV, and I met Donny Osmond's nephew, who knows people in television.  He put my name through to a few big people in LA.  I'm not holding my breath, because it seems to good to be true.  But one day, I very well could have Diane Sawyer's job.  I've only wanted it for eighteen years....

   I am one grumpy bugger tonight, only because I worked my little butt off, and have been up for fifteen hours.  Nothing like my marathon 52, but still.  I'm excited for dreaming. I'm excited for possibilities. I've been trying to find what's been in my mind.  

  Days turn to night, and it's all mundane.  But it won't always be.  I'm ready for change, and maybe Donny Osmond's nephew really will help get me there.  I just can't read the future. 

  I came home with a sour face, but as of now, at the end of it all, I can put on a smile because I survived, and it wasn't that bad.  I found a little silver lining in myself. That I didn't know was there.  Maybe it's because they're drunk, maybe it's because he's famous, maybe it's the rain and tips, but today feels alright now. It's gonna be alright.  

True Blood in five minutes.  I'm missing Kaiti.  That's about all.

Nothing's Gonna Change My World:

  Today started early. With high dreams and hopes.  Ambitions of a future that left me gasping for air, I was so excited for things to maybe finally happen for me.  The Beatles escorted me all the way from this cesspool town all the way up to Denver.  Across the Universe was on repeat for most of my solo journey.  Kaiti usually joins me on romps into D-Town.  And we get lost on Capital Hill or On Broadway.  Its always an adventure.
   But today, I went alone.  Kaiti is on vacation and it happened that this was my first day off in something like 17 days....I planned my day around one stop in particular.  But first, I went to the Channel Seven ABC News Affiliate to drop my resume off with a very friendly receptionist.  I got lost and couldn't find the other two places, but I'll get another day off... someday..
  The point of my journey was to actually meet with the people of the Culinary School at the Art Institutes.  I want so badly to learn to cook and prepare a menu, to learn about drink and food pairings and how to make a superb Cosmopolitan.  I want to learn the ins and outs of running a restaurant...In hopes of one day opening and running my own bar and grill.  I thought this surely was my dream.  I thought, this morning, I was going to learn all these creative things and I'd open the next hot place for twenty-somethings to hang out.  I even had a name for my bar.
  Too bad tuition is $95,000.  I wish it were possible to capitalize numbers, because I literally cried in the office.  I am already $22,000 in debt for my BA in BS...add them together and you could have bought a lovely starter home, a cat, Pottery Barn furniture and had a small but memorable wedding!!!!
  Clearly I will NOT be attending this institute. I came home a broken women, but hid it from nearly everyone.  But then I come to find, the movie Julie and Julia was on television.  I thought, odd.  It was clearly a sign from the food gods I was either going to become a great chef, or a famous blogger.
   As the movie ended, I hated food and school and any institution that makes you crazy about the taste of mayonaise.  I'm taking this day as a sign from the viral and interwebular gods and goddesses of our era as a sign straight to my heart and soul that blogging is actually what I meant to do.  Not that I believe in gods or goddesses, but someone, somewhere, is hitting me over the head with a very large hint that I am not meant to cook or toss liquor bottles.
   I have a very strong premonition, that my words, are what will make me famous.  I will change the course of history with thoughts and ideas.  I will offend and inspire. It's who I am. What can I say, it's just my soup.


As for tonight,
   jai guru deva.

I'm Okay:

  "Oskar."

  "I'm okay."

i

image taken from:

   I'm sorry I pulled that awful disappearing act on you.  I'm sorry I left you wandering and wondering.
Some months ago I became lost myself.  I had extremely heavy boots about my ambitions in life, particularly involving my blogging career.  But my dear readers, I'm here.  I'm okay.  And I'm going to continue on.  No slowing.  I'm going to be freshening up the layout over the next few days, and the topics are going to be coming at you like a bullet from a gun.  I've decided not to pussy-foot around things.  Don't get me wrong, I do not want to offend anyone,  but my mere existence offends people daily I'm sure.
   I'm done worrying about what others think of me.  I can't be anything but me.  I am a genuine article.  I will change the layout of history.  I will make people reconsider, and learn something new.  I will be hated, and loved.  This my dears, is life.  And I can't do it any other way, but mine.
   One day I'll have many things.  Including the Beatles Anthology, and a tambourine.  I'll have worldly knowledge and peace of mind.  I'll have a husband and kids.  I want all of you there for these events.  I want you to journey on the climb of life with me.  It's never easy alone.

Like a hurricane, gray and savage.  Ripping tigers from jungles and trees from their roots.  Like a ship sailing towards port, I am coming.  I am here.  And this is me.  Back.  Rejuvenated and inspired.

Are you ready??