Anything is Possible:

If that isn't the biggest croc of crap I've ever heard.....

   If ANYTHING was possible, than I'd be happy and anxious free forever by tomorrow.

   If ANYTHING was possible, than I could time travel back in time and say things I should have. 

   If ANYTHING was possible, than I would believe in love.  Not candy hearts or cookie cutter crap love, not the forever in each other's thoughts, or the growing old in each other's arms kind of love either.....But the kind that has the ability to rattle my core. The kind of love that can sweep over deserts and rip apart jungles, bringing up trees and tigers and all.  The kind of love that would obliterate any stereotypical movie-ruined idea that love currently is.  A love so real and strong, I'd be moved to my deepest wounds.  I mean to say I see love, with my parents still married after 25 years.  And my sister goo goo gushie for her man, and it's beautiful, a little nauseating, but it's pure.  I just ask, why don't I believe it is possible for myself?  Why do I need such a lofty and overwhelming overtaking by love to feel it?

   Where are the miracles and angels? Where are the wondrous mysteries? Where is the gosh darned romance?  Who misplaced faith and put proselytizing bigots, brainwashing our souls, in faith's place?  And where did I put my self confidence?

   I am standing here, with all that I am, with my hands in the air.  I give up.  I'm tired of weighing the pros and cons of every little thing, wondering constantly.  I mean, I'd absolutely love to believe, but I've just never seen any proof.

   

   I am losing to apathy and to over-jaded and faded ideals and times. 

   I think I was supposed to be born in a different time.

   

   If ANYTHING was possible, I'd have the answers I need at this very second, and this post would not be made.

   If ANYTHING was possible, I could put all this bologna to rest and just be.  But not everything is possible.  

   If ANYTHING was possible, I'd have my answers.  I'd time travel and make miracles.  I'd fall in love, and it would rattle my little bones so wonderfully, so exponentially, diamonds would appear out of my eyes.  I wouldn't have to muster any confidence to say the things I should, the words would just come.  All my walls and faults would be broken, like shattered glass, into a million little pieces.

  I can only hope, that the answers will come.  So when I'm dying, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be wonderful things, not twisted and dark ones, to look forward to.

    ....I won't be holding my breath....