Airplanes and Shooting Stars:

 A wish right now, I could really use a wish right now. I tell people things, but it's always on repeat. They have there lives to remember, not mine. But I'm still in this. New to me. Fresh, bright and shiny. A star made of metal 45,000 feet up. Not a cesspool of faded dreams and lost laughter. Memories yellowed like photographs.
  I need to look towards tomorrow, that's where life is. Everything in life, including life itself, is temporary. But if I don't get out, I'll die here. There are no free handouts. It's windy, I'm windblown and self-conscious.  Doubt fills me more than coffee.  Can we pretend? Airplanes are shooting stars, eyelashes and everything possible? New York is wrapped around my thoughts. Like a ribbon. Why did I even get up today?
   The fury rises, it's in my head, heart, lungs. Like cancer it spreads.  I can't give up, but it's hard to climb when my hands are bleeding from holding on so tight. Good things SHOULD happen to good people. I am the genuine article. Smart, sweet and giving.  I am kind and a decent human. I know this.  I could be better, but I am me and me is a very big heart.
   I cry and the tears stain my cheeks with mascara.  I get mad for crying. I hate showing it. I bottle everything, like vintage wine.  Older, more flavorful. I bury things so deep.  I'm in the clay.  Water table tight. Locked away the key.
  I need numbers. I need percentages.  What are my chances of getting this job? 62%?
  I'm not a religious person by any measure, but I know a higher power is looking out for me. Why else would my eyelashes be so long? Big wishes for a little girl.  I'm day dreaming again. It's all happening, it's all happening. I'm going to make it.  It will happen. Just like breathing. No more heavy boots.  Light like sparrows. Birds on a wire.  Summer's coming, so is my 23rd. Paychecks and bank deposits. Save save save pennies from heaven, baby.
  I could really use this wish right now.
  Airplanes like shooting stars.
  No more heavy boots.
  It's all happening.

...I'm doing okay...