Ear Muffs And....:

...I'm coming back to myself...

   I woke up this morning, feeling like there was anxiety on the other side of my closed eyelids. But I've been working on myself. More than you'll ever know.  I am done keeping secrets from myself. I am done being scared of the positive and kind things people tell me. I am done harboring the negative. 

   It feels foreign, coming back to myself. For so long I haven't let myself be.  I've been nightmarishly hard on myself, and my esteem plummeted, but I can't live like that anymore. It's literally killing me from the inside out...So I am improving things.

   I'm still mortified about taxes and loan debt, about love and hurting anyone...But I've been getting by, with the help of my amazing friends that I don't thank enough... As Kaiti says, "Those are the best kinds. The ones who don't expect you to be whole.  The ones who know you're never going to walk in straight lines when you're wearing new boots and need to walk in zigzags."  

   My friends know my zigzags, and love them for what they are...My friends are the greatest.

   I'm morphing my anxiety and making it something beautiful.  And it is the hardest thing I've attempted thus far. But it feels better, when I try and find the silver lining. 

   To Danielle, I know you're reading this. Thank you. You're love and support have gotten me through so much, and I hope, I can reciprocate and show you the same.

   To Kaiti, we can be broken and eccentric. Because there are not many of our kind. We are a rare species and it scares a lot of people. But thank you for being one of my kind and understanding me and reading this as well.

   To that boy. Yes, you. I swear I was dead before I knew you, they pronounced it so. But I heard you call my name, and I couldn't let go. 

   To EVERYONE who reads this blog and follows me on life's climb: I am not perfect. I am small and random. I am probably blogging in vain hope that one day it will be read by the world over. But I am so thankful for all of you. For curious strangers and supportive friends. Cheers dear readers!