Measuring Up:

   My mom brought me back "gifts" for watching the hound from hell.

...AKA Simon...

   She bought me such cute clothes for when I do find my job, and brought these amazing measuring cups and spoons with little monsters on them, from my aunt.

 

   It was certainly a week from limbo-leaning-towards-hell, but these measuring cups and spoons made me feel a bit better.  And the clothes are darling! I can't wait to find a job to wear them to. 

   Beyond the simple things, my dad did my taxes and I GET MONEY BACK!!!!!!!  This is the first year EVER that I get a return.  I was so so stressed about owing money, stressed to tears and hair falling out in clumps.  I was so sick to my stomach about it, I didn't want to eat or spend money on gas or anything, trying to save every penny to pay...Some of you know, because I cried about my anxiety with you, but now I have about $500 dollars coming my way so I can save it and eventually get a place for myself.  A place, creatively decorated.  I can use my cookbooks and monster measurers and make dinner for my friends. 

   The idea that soon (I'm hoping by the end of the year) I can be on my own, amazes me.  Every day my dreams get closer and the butterflies in my belly make me feel like I can fly. Almost.  

   On top of all this, next month, I get to see my first Nuggets game with my dad, and I go to New York for the first time.  Both are scary and exciting. 

    I don't want to speak too soon, because Life is funny like that, but it finally feels like things are turning for the brighter, for the better.

   My heart is elated and ready to fly out of it's cage and up out of my throat, like a little red sparrow. 

   Tonight, I'm glad I have these simple things. And intricate dreams.  They are not mundane.  And for so long the mundane was the only way I knew how to validate my existence.  But I almost feel like I can look forward to the future without things going incredibly and extremely wrong.

   For so long, I looked both ways and dreaded each day. Because I knew the stress was bubbling over and ready to eat at my skin and fizz and eventually I'd be reduced to nothing.  But tonight, I feel alright. I am breathing, and living.  Cautiously still, but ever so hopeful.

   Tomorrow is a new day.  And I am going to make it worth the uphill climb, worth the fall, and most definitely worth the happiness in knowing I'm doing okay.