When Real Life Happens:

   My diploma just came in the mail. Three months after I actually graduated college, I now have a single piece of paper that says I completed school....A single sheet of shit and a ton of debt. I don't feel anything. I should be happy and feel accomplished and I feel nothing. 

   I've got so much else on my mind, and today has truly been a dark day at the Mimzeeum. I've found out I did not get either of two jobs I've applied for....I found out some girlie tests came back abnormal and now must go get further testing to rule out cancer, no STDs though, so I have that going for me.... My mother's birthday is in two days and I have no money to get her anything. And what is worse, is I don't even know her likes and dislikes when it comes to frivolous trinkets.  I don't even know my own gosh darned mother. Let alone myself. But still. It's a painful and harsh realization to finally be hit with.

   And so now you see why this stupid diploma means nothing. Because it came three months after the actual ceremonies and life happened.  The loans I took out are coming to collect, I'll owe for taxes that I have not filed yet, And how shall I pay for any of this when I DON'T HAVE AN EFFING JOB???????

   And they wonder why I have anxiety and depression? As far as I am concerned, Life can suck it.  

   I know, I know, I've been waxing poetic about positive outlooks and changing who I am, but today it's not happening.  Because there's a point when I've been pushed past positive thinking and all I feel is anger and then residual nothingness.  My degree was literally in Professional Bullshitting anyway.  It's not valiant or helpful to anyone. My parents were right when they said I was an underachiever....And now I have to some how pull thousands of dollars out of my butt and give it back, for learning how to BS.....on top of medical testing and birthday anxiety. Yeah. Today is great....