I have an appointment to see the people in charge, the PIC, of the Master's program at UCCS, tomorrow. I have work on Saturday and Sunday. Money is finally coming in, slowly, but it's being saved and hoarded for a place of my own.
But right now the clouds are rolling in. Deep grays and blues. Like the Pacific without the roar and crash. God I miss the ocean. Being landlocked is like being stuck in a bottle. And it's never quite right. Yes, we have mountains, but they don't move. They don't calm me. Waves crashing and breaking over are so soothing. Gran gets scared and tells me it's too violent. She prefers the stillness of the trees. And I am jealous of her for that.
I've been to many cities and states. I've been to Baja, Mexico. And each place is different. But there's no comparison to the ocean. I guess there's no comparison to the mountainous views here, but I'm sick of it. I'm restless and I know it's because I want to get out of my parent's house. And be on my own.
. . .
I know in my heart that I'll always be a Colorado girl, but I want more. Maybe it's the clouds, heavy with rain, maybe it's the weather being so lovely. It may just be me, I'm restless by nature. I just know that with each day, I'm closer to getting out and living my life. And that, makes me happy no matter what the weather is.





"I found a liquid cure
ReplyDeletefor my landlocked blues
it will pass away
like a slow parade
it's leaving but I don't know how soon
and the world's got me dizzy again
you'd think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin
and it only feels worse when I stay in one place
so I'm always pacing around or walking away
I keep drinking the ink from my pen
and I'm balancing history books up on my head"
Conor knows about landlocked blues.
I love Conor. You're amazing.
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